


Worth the Fight

by doctornineandthreequarters



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Earthquakes, Firehouse 118 Family (9-1-1), First Kiss, Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Sad Evan "Buck" Buckley, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:02:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24473212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctornineandthreequarters/pseuds/doctornineandthreequarters
Summary: So, maybe that was how he ended up on the bathroom floor. Because he was trying to convince himself that he wasn’t alone. But he was. It was almost worse than when he was pinned under the ladder truck. That pain had been temporary, fixed with surgery, physical therapy, and Buck’s never-say-die attitude. But this pain didn’t have an easy fix. This pain burrowed itself under his skin and clawed at his insides, making him hurt in ways he didn’t think possible.
Relationships: Athena Grant/Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Firehouse 118 Crew, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Henrietta "Hen" Wilson/Karen Wilson, Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Comments: 30
Kudos: 728





	Worth the Fight

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a simple idea and then just kind of snowballed from there. Enjoy!

Buck sighed as he leaned his head against the bathroom wall. He couldn’t remember how he even got down there. One minute, he was looking at himself in the mirror, and the next, he was on the floor. 

Nothing catastrophic had happened that day. They hadn’t lost anyone on a call, no one had teased Buck about anything that made his insecurities flare up, and his leg didn’t feel like someone was stabbing it repeatedly (as it sometimes did after the ladder truck incident). Work had been fine. 

It was the after part that hadn’t been so fine. 

They had worked a 6 AM to 6 PM shift and Buck had suggested going out for a team dinner. Hen had declined first because Nia had been sick all day and Karen needed a break from taking care of the kids by herself. Then Bobby turned him down because the Grant-Nash household was having dinner with Michael’s new boyfriend, the doctor. Chimney said he was having a quiet night in with Maddie, who was getting to that point in pregnancy where her feet hurt all the time, so Chimney was out. That left Eddie, who Buck had been hoping was available. He, of course, had plans too, saying he and Pepa were planning Abuela’s birthday. Buck had left the locker room after that, realizing he shouldn’t have bothered asking in the first place.

He tried not to ignore the loneliness creeping up on him as he drove home, but it was there regardless. He knew everyone promised that he wasn’t alone, but at the end of the day, he went home to an empty apartment. Everyone he had someone else, had someone waiting for them. He tried to think back on Maddie’s words after Red died, that he wasn’t going to end up like that. But it was hard to believe when the only thing he heard in his apartment was soul-crushing silence. 

So, maybe that was how he ended up on the bathroom floor. Because he was trying to convince himself that he wasn’t alone. But he was. It was almost worse than when he was pinned under the ladder truck. That pain had been temporary, fixed with surgery, physical therapy, and Buck’s never-say-die attitude. But this pain didn’t have an easy fix. This pain burrowed itself under his skin and clawed at his insides, making him hurt in ways he didn’t think possible.

It was a pain that said he wasn’t necessary, that no one would miss him when he was gone. 

But Buck didn’t give up. When he got knocked down, he got back up. He had fought for months to get his job. He had clawed out of physical pain to have his life back. This pain wouldn’t defeat him. He had a life to live.

So, with one hand on the tiled wall behind him, Buck pulled himself off the bathroom floor. The pain was still there, but he could ignore it for now.

* * *

Earthquakes were disturbingly common in LA. None had been as bad as the one a few years ago, during Eddie’s first month on the job and when Buck had met Ali, but they still happened. Chimney, who had lived in California since he was a kid, didn’t even blink when they got a call regarding another earthquake. Buck was starting to get used to them as well, knowing mostly what to expect depending on the magnitude of the earthquake. 

They were helping the last injured person at the scene of LA’s most recent earthquake. They had been called to a local street, where a car had almost driven into a crack in the street from the earthquake. They had managed to get everyone out of the car, knowing they had to move fast since the car was teetering. Buck was standing closest to the edge as Eddie stood by the door of the car. Hen and Chimney were moving a passenger on a backboard, when disaster struck. 

Buck could feel the shaking under his feet and his eyes went wide. He was about to shout about the after shock, when he felt the ground crumbling from under him. He looked at Eddie, wondering if his face looked as horrified as Eddie’s. Eddie lunged out and grabbed Buck’s hand just as the ground fell away from under him. Buck let out a shout, feeling his body dangling, held up only by Eddie’s grasp. 

“Cap!” Eddie screamed, gritting his teeth as he tried to hold Buck up. Buck glanced down, seeing nothing but darkness, not knowing how far down the hole went. The car was gone, having tumbled down into the darkness below him. 

Buck looked at Eddie, noticing the sheer panic in his friend’s eyes. He could hear shouting, presumably Bobby shouting for Chimney to get the winge and rope. But all Buck could notice was that Eddie’s feet were slowly moving against the ground, the weight of Buck pulling him forward. Buck realized, horrified, that if Eddie held on then they both were going to fall into the darkness. And Eddie had Christopher to think about. So, he knew what had to happen.

“Eddie.” Eddie grunted as he grip on Buck’s hand tightened. “Eddie. You have to let go.”

“What?” Eddie nearly shouted it, looking at Buck like he was crazy. “I’m not...I’m not going to do that Buck.”

“We’re both going to fall in if you don’t,” Buck explained. “You have to let go.” Eddie shook his head. If their hands weren’t covered by gloves, Buck was sure he would be seeing Eddie’s knuckles turn white. “Eddie, think of Christopher.” Eddie just shook his head, a stubborn and intense look on his face. Buck could see Eddie’s feet starting to move more, the pebbles around him skittering away. 

So, Buck made the choice for him. 

He reached his free hand up and shoved Eddie’s hand away. Eddie let out a horrified shout as Buck fell away from his grasp. Buck just attempted to mouth sorry as he felt his body falling backwards. 

And then everything went dark.

* * *

When Buck came to, the first thing he noticed was how dark everything was. It took him a second to remember where he was. Then it came flooding back; the earthquake, the after shock, and wrenching his arm free from Eddie’s grasp. Buck touched his head, his helmet still securely on. He clicked the lamp on and looked around. As he tried to get his bearings, an excruciating pain ran through him. 

A panicked thought rose up in him and he looked towards his legs. He breathed out a sigh of relief when he saw they were both free. He wiggled them around and sighed. No leg or spinal trauma, so that was good. But where was the pain coming from?

As he turned his head to his right side, he realized it was his arm. His right arm was pinned under some rocks. He bit the inside of his cheek as a spasm of pain ripped through him.

“At least it’s not a ladder truck,” He muttered. He glanced up, trying to figure out how far he had fallen. He could see light above him, maybe thirty feet up. Someone could get him, could rescue him. He was about to holler when a thought hit him. He wasn’t hearing anything on his radio. No one was calling for him. He thought back to all the times his teammates had been hurt and Bobby was on the radio immediately, calling for them. Why weren’t they doing that for him?

He felt the loneliness from the other night creeping in again. Maybe he was right to feel so alone. Everyone left him. Abby took off for Ireland as soon as she could. Ali had bailed on him when things had gotten too hard. Maddie had left him twice. His parents didn’t speak to him. Bobby had pushed him out of a job. Eddie had called him exhausting and had refused to talk to him when he came back to work. Maybe he was nothing. Maybe he deserved to be alone. 

_ No. _

He shook his head. No, that wasn’t true. He deserved just as much as anyone else. And if no one was going to save him, then he’d have to save himself. He was worth the fight, after all. 

He looked back at the rubble on his arm. When he tried to move, he let out a scream of pain. He gritted his teeth. He was going to get his arm out, no matter the pain. He shifted his body and used his left arm to try and lift the rubble. The pain was so excruciating that it made his vision go spotty. But Buck wasn’t going to give up. He kept pushing, grateful that it wasn’t a huge pile of rubble.

He let out a guttural scream as his arm was finally free from the rubble. He had done it, he had gotten his arm free. He leaned his head back, the pain making him dizzy.

And then everything faded to black again.

* * *

“ _...fighter Buckley _ .” Buck could hear noise as he started to come to. “ _ Firefighter Buckley, come in. Firefighter Buckley, report _ .” Buck let his eyes adjust to the darkness, the pain in his right arm still white-hot and excruciating. “ _ Buck, come in _ .” He realized he could hear Bobby’s voice. “ _ Come on kid, answer me _ .” He groped around, searching for his radio. When he found it, he sighed. 

“Cap?” There was a relieved sigh on the other end of the radio. 

“ _ You alright down there Buck _ ?”

“I’ve...I’ve had better days,” Buck said, relief spreading through him. Someone was calling for him. They hadn’t left him down there. 

“ _ We weren’t sure if the radio would reach you down there _ .” Buck smiled a little, blaming the pain and fear for why he hadn’t realized that sooner. “ _ We’re gonna send someone down there to get you _ .”

“T-there could be a-another after shock.”

“ _ You okay Buck _ ?

“Just in a little pain.” Buck gritted out, glancing at his arm. “Just, send a rope down.”

“ _ We can send Eddie or Chimney down with a harness _ .”

“N-no,” Buck said, shaking his head. “Aftershocks c-can occur f-for at least one hour after. Just send a rope Bobby. I-I can handle this.” He heard Bobby sigh over the radio. “Bobby, please.”

“ _ Okay, we’ll send a rope and harness down _ .” Buck blew out a breath. “ _ You just need to hold tight okay. How’s the pain _ ?”

“A f-five.” Buck bit his lip, pain shooting through his arm from moving a little too much. “M-maybe a six.”

“ _ I think we need to re-evaluate your scale of pain _ .” Buck chuckled at that. “ _ Alright, rope and harness are coming down _ .” Buck looked up to see something tumbling down the hole. The harness hit the ground with a thud and Buck pulled himself up, biting his lip to avoid shouting from the pain. 

“Got it Cap.” Buck made his way over to the harness and grabbed it. He very quickly realized his right arm was useless, so getting the harness on with one arm was a daunting task. Not to mention, every moment sent pain through his arm that made his head so dizzy that standing felt like a challenge.

“ _ You good down there, Buck _ ?” Buck huffed as he got the harness on, pain shooting through his arm. He bit his lip, not wanting to cry out from the pain.

“All set Cap.” He tugged on the rope for good measure. As he started to lift off the ground, he had to hope there wasn’t another after shock. And if there was, he had to hope that nobody was near enough to fall in and get hurt. He could live with loneliness, he couldn’t live with someone getting hurt because of him. 

Of course, that was the moment an after shock hit.

Buck grabbed a hold of the rope with both hands, feeling his body drop a little. He let out a yell as pain shot through his arm, reminding him that it had been under rubble at some point. White dots swarmed through his vision as his arms throbbed with pain.

“ _ Just hang on, Buck!” _ He held onto the rope, pain burning up and down through his arm. The rope wasn’t moving. Buck looked back down, wondering if another fall would hurt him or even kill him. Maybe, it would be better if he released himself and fell again. Then, maybe everyone else could get to safety. “ _ Buck, are you still with us? _ ” 

No, he was going to hold on. He was going to keep fighting. 

“Yeah Cap, I’m here.” The rope started to move again and Buck felt himself move upwards, the light above him growing brighter and brighter. As soon as he could see the top of the hole, someone was grabbing for him, hauling him forward. Buck let out a pained shout, white-hot searing pain shooting through his arm. He tumbled to the ground, gasping in pain. He could hear voices and see people moving towards him. He was sure Bobby was calling for Hen and Chimney. He was sure Hen and Chimney were running over, ready to check over his injuries. But everything was starting to grow bleary. He could barely keep his eyes open, the pain becoming too much. He felt like he was on fire, even though he had been nowhere near a fire.

He was able to make out Eddie’s deep brown eyes, filled with worry, before everything faded to black.

* * *

When Buck started to come to, the first thing he realized was that it was much brighter than before. He groaned a little, adjusting to the bright light. Why was it so bright? Wasn’t he still at the bottom of a hole in the Earth?

“Buck?” As his eyes adjusted, he saw Bobby and Athena at the foot of a bed. He stared at them, confused. 

“Nice to see you awake,” Athena said with a smile. “Had us scared there for a second.” She glanced at Bobby, who was just watching Buck. 

“What-” Buck started, but Bobby cut him off.

“You fell after an after shock,” Bobby said and Buck nodded, remembering that. “And we needed to get you out, but you wouldn’t let anyone come down. So we sent a rope and harness down and got you out.”

“I’ll go get the doctor,” Athena said. “Everyone’s going to be glad to see you awake.” She then left the room. As she closed the door, Buck spotted Hen and Karen sitting next to each other. Hen’s head was on Karen’s shoulder, Karen’s head resting on her wife’s, both fast asleep. 

“Hen’s friend Imelda was the one working on you,” Bobby said, noticing where Buck was looking. “She made an exception for us.” Buck was confused for a second, before his eyes scanned the room. Maddie and Chimney were sitting next to the bed, Chimney’s arm wrapped around Maddie, as her head rested on his shoulder. He looked down, realizing Maddie was holding onto his hand. He glanced back at Bobby, who nodded to the other side of the bed. Buck turned his head and spotted Eddie, who was asleep in a chair.

He looked around the room, seeing everyone, and felt a lightness in his heart that he hadn’t felt in awhile. 

“Nobody wanted to go home,” Bobby said as Buck looked back at him. “We all wanted to make sure you were okay.” Buck couldn’t but smile at that. He looked back at Maddie’s hand, still holding onto his even though she was asleep. He smiled a little before squeezing her hand. 

“Hm,” Maddie muttered as she woke up. When she saw Buck staring at her, she gasped a little. That was enough to wake up Chimney. “Evan.”

“Hey.” Chimney let go of Maddie, just in time for Maddie to hug Buck. “I’m okay Maddie.”

“You better be,” She muttered, hugging his left side tightly. “My baby needs their uncle.” Buck smiled at that. He saw Karen waking up and gently shaking Hen awake. 

“Hey Buckaroo,” Hen said, smiling at Buck. Buck glanced over at Eddie, to see him blinking a few times, as if not believing Buck was awake. There was almost a sadness in his eyes, something that Buck didn’t know if he had ever seen before. Buck was about to say something when the doctor walked in. 

“Mr. Buckley,” She said with a smile. “It’s good to see that you're awake.”

“Thanks for letting them all in,” Buck said.

“Don’t mention it,” She said. “But actually, don’t mention it. I’m not supposed to do this.” Buck just chuckled and nodded. “You’re very lucky Mr. Buckley. You came out of that fall with a mild concussion, some bruising, and a broken arm.”

“Buck’s like a cat,” Chimney said. “He’s got nine lives.”

“Says the guy who had a piece of rebar go through his head,” Hen said and Chimney chuckled. Bobby hushed Hen and Chimney and Imelda nodded to Bobby. 

“Once we get your arm in a cast,” She continued after the interruption. “We can get you out of here. Just follow concussion protocol for the next few days and rest.”

“And my arm?” Buck asked, almost too scared to look at it.

“As long as you rest, it should be all healed up in about six weeks.” Buck nodded. “I’ll send someone in to get on that cast.”

“Thank you doctor,” Bobby said. She smiled and then left the room. “You heard the doctor. Rest and don’t push yourself.”

“Yes Cap.”

“And as long as you do that, your job will be waiting for you.” Buck couldn’t help but smile at that. In fact, he couldn’t help but smile seeing everyone there.

Maybe he wasn’t so alone.

* * *

Buck sighed as he moved a pencil around inside his cast. He was glad the worst thing that happened to him was a broken arm, but his arm was so itchy. His tongue poked out in concentration as he attempted to relieve the itch on his arm. 

His attempt to scratch his arm was interrupted by a knock at the door.

With a sigh, he tossed the pencil aside, and got up. He wasn’t surprised someone was at his door. Everyone had been visiting him since he got back from the hospital. A lot of the time it was Maddie and Chimney, doing anything from making sure he followed concussion protocol to bringing him takeout (neither could cook and weren’t going to poison Buck while he was already injured). Sometimes, it was Hen and Karen, even bringing Denny and Nia by. If Bobby didn’t physically check in every day, he called just to talk to Buck. And both Bobby and Athena had filled Buck’s freezer with home-cooked meals to last beyond his recovery timeline. 

The one person who hadn’t stopped by was Eddie. 

Eddie had checked in with him, but over the phone. Buck wasn’t sure why Eddie was being so distant, but he didn’t want to push. He was grateful for everyone’s help, but he knew they all had lives. He wasn’t going to push anyone to check on him. 

He opened the door and immediately felt something crash into his leg. 

“Buck!” He smiled, seeing Christopher. He scooped the boy up, as Christopher wrapped his arms around Buck’s neck. 

“Hey buddy. What are you doing here?”

“Daddy said you got hurt.” Buck glanced at Eddie, who just went into the apartment, not saying anything. Buck tried not to frown as he closed the door.

“Just my arm,” Buck said, holding up his cast. Christopher gasped and even Eddie looked concerned. “What’s wrong?”

“Nobody’s signed your cast!” Buck couldn’t help but chuckle at that. “When Briana broke her wrist, everyone signed her cast.”

“Well I guess you’ll have to be the first one.” Christopher smiled at that as Buck set him down. “I’ll grab some markers.” As he went into the kitchen, in search of markers, Christopher made his way towards the living room.

“Thanks for bringing him by.” Buck chanced a glance at Eddie. Eddie was staring intently at a menu on his refrigerator.

“He missed you.” Buck frowned as Eddie still refused to look at him.

“I guess that makes one of you,” Buck muttered. He wondered if Eddie heard him, noticing his friend stiffen. But he shook it off and headed towards the living room. As Christopher got to work, signing and decorating his cast, Buck couldn’t help but watch Eddie. 

His silent treatment was almost worse than after the lawsuit. After the lawsuit, Buck knew why Eddie was mad at him. He had at least made it clear to him, both at the grocery store and then during his first day back. He understood then because at least Eddie was willing to say something. But this time, Eddie wasn’t talking to him. This time, Eddie was the one cutting him out. And it hurt. Eddie was his best friend. He knew they handled things differently. Buck wore his heart on his sleeve, emotions always running rampant. Eddie locked his heart away, only ever letting people in partially, except for Christopher. But Buck needed to know why Eddie wasn’t talking to him. He needed to understand.

“I’m done.” Buck looked at Christopher, who was smiling up at him. Buck smiled and gently ruffled Christopher’s hair. 

“How about I put on a movie and grab some snacks?”

“Okay!” He then noticed Christopher glance over at where his dad was standing. “Is daddy going to join us?”

“How about I put on the movie and find out?” Christopher nodded, settling back on the couch. Buck quickly put a movie on before getting up. Eddie had moved, so he was sitting on the stairs, staring at his hands. 

“We’re watching a movie if you want to join.” When Eddie didn’t respond, Buck huffed. “Dude, what is wrong with you?”

“Me?” Eddie hissed, finally looking at Buck. He stood up and moved towards the door, out of the line of sight for Christopher. “I’m not the one that let go!”

“That’s why you’re mad at me?” Eddie glared at Buck.

“I had you Buck!” Buck could see the anger on Eddie’s face. “I had you and I could’ve gotten you out before you fell!”

“You were slipping,” Buck explained. “I could see your feet moving. I had to let go.”

“You don’t get to make that decision!” Buck bit his lip but stood his ground. “And you certainly don’t get to claim you did it because I have Christopher to worry about because if you haven’t noticed, he needs you too.”

“You’re his dad.”

“And you’re important to him!” Eddie said. “You’re important to all of us! Don’t you see that?” Part of him knew that what Eddie was saying was true. But part of him still held onto that loneliness, that crawling darkness that stayed with him when the nights were long and he was alone.

“You all have someone waiting for you when the day ends,” Buck said. “Bobby has Athena. Hen has Karen and their kids. Chimney has Maddie. And you have Christopher.”

“You have him too,” Eddie said. “Buck, that kid loves you.”

“And I love him but that’s not always enough.” Eddie frowned at that. “Because there are only so many times that I can go to your house and act like everything is fine, while knowing that I have to come back here where no one is waiting for me. I have to sit here wondering what’s the point when people who say they care about me keep leaving. I have to come home and not let this overwhelming loneliness swallow me whole. So sometimes, as amazing of a kid as he is and as welcoming as you try to be, it’s not enough.”

“Buck.” Eddie stepped closer to him and Buck ducked his head, feeling tears at the side of his eyes. He heard Eddie sigh and he looked up. “I don’t… I want to say the right thing to let you know…” Eddie huffed and Buck sniffled, but watched his friend with confusion. “Buck, you’re so important to me and Christopher. We can’t…” Eddie shook his head. “I can’t live without you.”

“What-” Buck started to say, but Eddie shook his head. 

“When you let go of my hand,” Eddie started. “I thought...Buck, I thought I had lost you. And I can’t live with that. I need you. You’re always there for me. You’re amazing and wonderful and I’m so lucky to have you in my life. And that moment when you fell...Buck, I would’ve rather fallen down there with you than imagine my life without you.” Eddie’s voice was shaking and it looked like Eddie was seconds away from crying. “I’m...I’m not good with my feelings but…” His voice trailed off as he locked eyes with Buck. 

And Buck felt the wind knocked out of him.

“Say it,” Buck said, his voice barely above a whisper. 

“I love you.” Buck gasped because seeing that look on Eddie’s face, he knew it was true. And he knew he loved Eddie just as much. He closed the distance between the two, his fingers gripping on to as much of Eddie’s shirt as he could, with a cast in the way. “Are you going to…”

Eddie was cut off when Buck crashed his lips into Eddie’s.

Buck 1.0 had kissed a lot of people. Buck 2.0 had kissed far fewer people. But nothing compared to the moment he kissed Eddie. It felt like every nerve in his body was being shocked with electricity. He wanted to drown in this moment, in this feeling of kissing Eddie. God, he loved him and he wanted to kiss him for all the times he never had before.

When they finally pulled away, Buck just stared at Eddie. His eyes were half-lidded, a dazed expression on his face. And his lips, god his lips, were swollen from how hard Buck had kissed him. Eddie rested his forehead against Buck’s and sighed.

“You’re not alone Buck,” Eddie said. “You’ve got me. Anytime. Anywhere. You’re always welcome at my house. You can call me whenever. Hell, you could move in if you want.”

“You’d never have to cook again.”

“And you’d never have to be alone again.” Buck looked at Eddie, his blue eyes shining with fresh tears. “I’ll do anything to show you that you’re not alone.”

“I love you.” And it felt as natural as breathing for Buck to say. Eddie smiled and kissed him, more gently this time. “Thank you for shouting some sense into my head.” Eddie chuckled and Buck couldn’t help but smile. 

“Dad! Buck! You’re missing the movie.” Eddie took Buck’s hand that wasn’t in a cast and pulled him towards the living room area of the apartment. As Buck sat down, Christopher nuzzled into his side. 

“Scoot over,” Eddie said, gently pushing Buck’s shoulder. Buck chuckled but shifted slightly, leaving room for Eddie to sit next to him. Christopher didn’t even seem to notice as Eddie sat down, putting Buck in the middle. Buck just smiled as Eddie wrapped his arm around him, pressing a kiss to the side of his neck.

And Buck, for the first time in a long time, didn’t feel lonely, didn’t even feel the buzzing of loneliness. That deep, dark feeling was gone, replaced by a feeling of love and just pure happiness. 

He’d be okay. He had a lot of people who would make sure of that.

**Author's Note:**

> [Scream with me on my Tumblr?](https://doctornineandthreequarters.tumblr.com)


End file.
